


The Inner workings of Rich Goranski

by Alois_Trancypants



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Boyf riends is only mentioned, Hanahaki Disease, Literally just Rich's thoughts, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Rich just has a really big crush that's crushing him, Sad Rich, flower petals and tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 00:12:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12047241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alois_Trancypants/pseuds/Alois_Trancypants
Summary: Coughing up flower petals and blood was a daily for Rich, who's crush was currently crushing him.





	The Inner workings of Rich Goranski

Feelings.  
What are they?  
Do they only exist to make us drag ourselves down? To make us think late in the night and fear every possibility of rejection? And if so why do we fear rejection so much? Could it be the possibility of never being able to sit with a person and carry on a normal conversation again? Or maybe it's not embarrassment, maybe it’s knowing that you never had a chance in the first place.

All of these are valid reasons to why I, Rich Gornoski, will never speak to Michael Mell. The anti-social headphone kid who stays stoned and drinks slushies from the local Seven-Eleven. The very same red hooded kid who stole my heart, but will never know. The Michael, who will never know the pain of watching blood and flower petals flow down the drain each morning.  
Each Morning is a start to a day that will drag on, to which feels like it could go this way forever. Watching him in the hallways, watching him at his locker, watching him stroll to class, and wishing that he’d send me smile. Instead this doesn’t happen. Instead of wishes and daydreams, I stand at my locker with Jake. A frown upon my face because I can no longer hide my insecurities behind my squip and I feel open to the world. And as I stand there feeling open, I feel the urge to cough. Knowing that tickle in my throat is the none other than the flower petals.  
This is the oh, so great life of Rich Gornoski. The thrill of being a nobody once again. Feeling like it's the start of freshman year all over again being helpless, hopeless, and lost. I sit with Jake and Jenna during first period barely catching their conversation because I’m too lost in those white headphones and that dark tanned skin. It isn't a secret, in fact I don’t think it ever was. If screaming to the world that I was in love make him notice me then that's what I’d do.  
I often stayed up late thinking about that tan skin and those eyes. The same very eyes that over looked me in the hallways. Thinking about how much I’d long for those eyes to look at me in a loving manner or how I’d love to see all of that dark skin. There were things that are still mysteries to me about Michael, and if he’d give me the chance I’d do more than stay up fantasizing about them. But some nights it goes beyond thinking, the imaginative thoughts leak into my dreams and they cause morning frustrations and waking up sweaty. The worse part is knowing that once I get to school the star of my thoughts and dreams has given himself up to Jeremy Heere.  
And as I think back to those nights I stare harder into his hair, those tousled brown locks that I’d die to run my fingers through just once. I feel my throat tickle and I resist the urge to rush into the bathroom, although my efforts seem to fail me. I soon find myself raising my hand to then be hunched over the stall in the boys bathroom, watching as the vibrant rose petals fall into a mess of blood and tears into the toilet. And it’s there that I sob harder than I have before. Wishing that he’d just maybe take the pain away, even if it was just for a minute or a small kiss. Anything to numb the pain.


End file.
